Once again, this time joined with Terry Martin, we have Kenneth Doka
giving us breakthrough news and researched documentation that not only
expresses how we grieve, but how we might be more effectively present
with those who mourn.
We are breaking down, ever so slowly, the barriers of labels. Age.
Gender. Racial makeup. In a community that is 34% Hispanics, I keep
hearing the phrase, "How Hispanics grieve." We label. We judge. And
we miss the story!
This helpful book, essential for counselors and caregivers, but stated
clearly enough for many bereaved to read themselves, moves away from men
and women to characteristics of mourners or patterns of grieving. It no
longer serves (not that it ever was a service) to say that men are
strong, silent, busy in their workplaces as they find "suitable" ways to
grieve. Women are "more in touch with their feelings." Interesting. A
client came to me the other day who was a woman, but she would not or
could not mourn openly because, in her words, "I must be strong for the
children." The children were all adults.
The intuitive pattern includes an intensely experienced sorrow. There
can be times of confusion, inability to concentrate and patterns of
confusion. The instrumental pattern finds itself most comfortable in
matters of environment, task, energy output. Blended grievers balance
(or juggle) the intuitive with the instrumental.
There are many other significant contributions to this book, including
their Grief Pattern Inventory.
The Rev. Richard B. Gilbert, D.Min.,
The World Pastoral Care Center