In Loving Memory of
Darrell Thomas Esgar


"How long, must we his friends, live our lives without them" was the question I asked in the news paper article, after your death. 11 years have passed my friend, and I am facing many many more. I am still devastated. I still miss you. I still long for your laughter, your company, our happiness. I have "moved on" in the sense that I am not in a mental institution rocking back and forth aching for your return. That runs a close second. Only because I know it's not what you would have wanted for me. I know you too well my friend, and your disappointment I could not bear. So I live this life. I have a husband I adore, a child I love. And I still cannot help but wish he were yours, that we had our lives together. as it should have been in my book. Your murder was the unexpected ace of spades in our deck of cards. So I go on. I live. I wonder what your up to. Having lunch on the moon? Have you ridden the on the tail back of an airplane? Have you been the unseen passenger in the indy 500? Are you with me when I feel your presence? Did you go to france? have you traveled in Time? Oh, I imagine your getting our intinerary ready for when I join you my love. So dont leave without me ok? Please wait. I am trying to be good, so we wind up on the same level, and then we can start over. One of those legendary long term loves that surpass time and space. We will begin in childhood, and grow old together, please wait for me, and if you can't- I will wait for you. Dear Darrell. Me.

Annie L. Beam.


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