To a wonderful grandmother,

A woman filled with the love of GOD to spread to everyone around her.

Nanny,
you were such an inspiration in my life! I can remember when i was a little girl, how I used to spend the night at your house and we would watch tv together and then you fill the tub with water and put all of the plastic measuring spoons and cups in there, as you knew that they were my favorite bath toys! Then you would brush my hair and always tell me how pretty I looked, and that I was your little princess. Then it would be time for nighty nite as you used to call it. YOu would tuck me tightly into your bed and then, together we would say a prayer. I never told you nanny, but that was so special to me. Then you would tell me that you would come to bed later and that when you did, we could SNUGGLE! I will never forget those words. I can also remember all the Easter egg hunts that you and papa so proudly had at your house for all of your grandchildren EVERY YEAR! That made you so proud, and anyone could see it in your eyes! You were such a proud grandmother, and I hope that I have made you proud in many ways!! Then there were all the many Christmas's that I got to share with you. You always decorated your tree so beatifully., but after a while, I guess it got to be a hassle, so You asked me if I would mind helping you out. I enjoyed spending that time with you so much nanny. And it always looked so pretty when we were finished. I could tell that papa was always proud too! The last two Christmas's, I did not spend with you and the rest of my family, and for that, I do not know if I will ever forgive myself. I should have been there with you , and the people who loved me most. Nanny, I also want to thank you for being the one who took the time to talk to me so much about becoming a Christian, and explaining to me exactly what it meant and involved. I will never forget the Sunday that I finally decided that I was ready.... You and I walked hand in hand down the ailse to the alter to make my profession of faith. And once again, You were so proud, i could just tell. In the days, weeks, months and years to follow, Your lovely daughter, my wonderful momma made sure that she followed in your footsteps to bring me up the Christian way, and for that Nanny , You will NEVER know how thankful I am. And i am here to assure you, as you already know (knew), she has done and continues to do a wonderful job. So i thank you both for who I am today!! I am soo proud to be able to say that Jane Carroll was my grandmother and that Debbie ivey is my mother. She is so much like you nanny, in every way. I hope that when I have children, I have the spirit that You had to raise them, and make you proud again.

You know.....I still don't understand why God had to take you so soon. You had just found out that you were going to be a grandmother again for the twelth time!! You taught me to never question God, for he has a reason for everything, so i didn't. But, i can't lie, I just don't think that it is fair. Life just doesn't seem right now, even though I did not see you every day like I should have, just knowing that You are no longer here. I will never foget the night you left us. Mom, Angie, and I were all at work. And the next thing I knew, Daddy came to Ryan's and told us that we needed to go to the hospital, it was you! Mom, Dad, and I rode in his fire car, and made it there in 10 min, but that ride was the longest ride I've ever taken. I had no clue what had happened, mom was hysterical, in tears, and I tried to get her to talk to me, and tell me what was going on, finally she calmed down enough to tell me that you had had a heartattack. I was so scared, and all i could think was how I was supposed to have gone to see you that Sunday, but I didnt. For some reason, i kept telling myself....Nanny is strong....she will be ok. Well...about 30 minutes of waiting and wondering, the nurse came in, and said those words....the words that i will never forget...." I'm sorry, we did everything we could, but...." and at that moment, all i could say was "I love you Nanny, and I'm sorry i didn't come see you!" A few minutes later, I heard my mom say to the nurse "Thank you very much for all you all did...thank you for trying so hard." Nanny.....That was definitely you coming out in her. I was thinking totally the opposite....how could they just give up? Don't ever stop trying!! I remember the rest of that night but it is sort of a blur. All i can seem to think about now is the night of your viewing. Seeing you lay there, in that baby blue cakset that papa picked out for you, looking more beautiful than ever, yet SO cold to my touch. They made you look just like you though Nanny. You would have been proud, even your makeup was perfect!:) I remember holding you hand, i was unable to move your fingers, but I made my hand fit into yours. I held your hand so tight for so long and i know that it may sound weird, but I think that I even felt your hand grow warm in mine as i continued to hold it. I did not want to leave your side at the gravesite at the funeral. I didn't think that it was fair, I know I took your time on Earth for granted, but i am very thankful that I got the chance to know you and spend the time that i did with you!! i know you are happier now than you've ever been.

I need to ask one small favor of you though. Nanny, will you please help me feel some kind of comfort about you being gone.....it is so hard right now.....I want to see you and talk to you so bad right now, but I can't!! Please help me to be able to think haapy thoughts instead of re-living that dreadful night and the days after. I know you have a hand in what goes on up there, cause you and God have it like that:) so please help me get throught this. And please help momma, she is so lost without you...and it hurts me even more to see her hurt the way she does everyday! O- and one more thing ....Taunty's having a little girl....so please ask God to bless her with a beautiful healthy baby....you always knew that having a baby would change taunty's life forever.

Well... I guess I will say goodbye for NOW but NOT FOREVER!!! I love you very much Nanny, and I want you to know that there is not ONE DAY that goes by that I do not think about you and wish that I could tell you one more time just how much I love you!! Once again, thank you for being YOU!!! I honestly do not know where our family would be right now if not for you!! You will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart for being such a special part of my life!! I love you NANNY!!!!!

Loving and missing you everyday..........

Amber Janeller

January 13, 1938- April 24, 2002

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