To who it may concern,i want to say a few words about my son Jordan and our 2 years with him.Before Jordan was even born we were in love with him we were very excited.we new it was a boy a couple months before so we had got blue everything.On december 20th 2001 Jordan came into this world.It did not go as we planned though, are excitment went away when we did not hear any crying and he was grey and lifeless.All i remember is asking what was wrong and screaming.They finally came to take him to nicu and said they would let us know when we could see him.a few hours later we were able to go see him.He was on life support and his eyes were shut.his eyes did not open till 5 days later.They ran a bunch of tests and after several days the doctor sat down with us.He said your son is severely brain damaged.meaning he has no suck or swallow reflex.he will never talk or walk or hear or see.he will never go to school or smile or cry.we were at the hospital for a month before we got to go home > with many machines encluding a suction machine to get his saliva out of his nose and throat.also a feeding pump to put food into a feeding tube in his stomach.During all of this our other kids suffered extremly having lost a chance at a normal brother and still to this day do not completly understand why jordan was not a normal baby who could do things like them.The other kids were brought from house to house all the time so we could go to the hospital every other week.Jordan got pneumonia on a weekly basis so we pretty much lived at either the doctors office or the hospital most of his life.Our other children lost a lot of attention from us due to the care jordan needed.they also missed a lot of school due to all of this.through all of this jordan then started having seisures and was on 3 different medications that still did not control them.he never could cry out loud but when he would have a seisure or some type of pain a single tear would always come down his face.Jordan had to > be given many medications through out the day and night to keep him comfortable in his everyday life.he had to have physical therapy on a daily and weekly basis it would help for a minute but jordans body was stiff.no physical therapy really helped him in the long run.we had many nurses coming to our home to help so we could sleep once in awhile.we did not sleep much even with the nurses there because we were always worrying what would happen through the night or if we left the house.Brian lost 3 jobs due to all the trips to the hospital .he was always having to leave work for some emergency with jordan.are whole family life went down the tubes there was always someone at the house we never had any private time as a family.on october 22 jordan took his last breath due to congestive heart failure.HE died at 5:30 am i remember clearly we had been up all night.i had talked to a doctor 3 different times about jordan and the last doctor i talked to the one that usually never says when he > thinks jordan will die because he did not know.that night he said heidi i do not think jordan is going to make it out this time.when he said that i new it was time.did i want to believe it nope i just pretended like he would be ok because he always has before.i had to pretend we all did or we new we would lose it.i remember hearing his trech clicking againest his neck when he took a breath then i could not hear the clicking anymore i turned around and said my baby is gone.they pronouced him dead and asked a million questions.our hearts were once again shattered into a million pieces.your not suppose to bury your children.then i thought how do you bury your child.how do you let your child go.brian took him out to the van when they got there.he put him in and covered him up and they shut the door and jordan was gone.we had jordans funeral a couple days later.we all took out turns and said bye and then brian closed the casket.brian walked this small casket out to the car and closed the > door.we all drove to the cemetary and layed are beautiful son jordan to rest in peace.he is safe now there is no more hospital trips,medications ,pain from seisures,no more suffering.after all of the funeral stuff was over my daughter hannah looked at me in the car and says what happens when jordan grows out of his casket?and my son matt says mommy how does jordan get to heaven from the ground and when is he coming home.my heart just sank all i could say is i can not answer all of these questions for you.i looked at hannah and said he will not grow out of his casket he is gone baby he will not grow anymore.and to matt i said i need help from others to help answer these questions for you.i am not to sure how to explain to a 5 year old death and why his brother is not coming back.through all of this hurt and grief i find my self a month after his death looking at all the wonderful things jordan brought to our lives.i do not regret a moment of jordan being in our lives or taking care > of him.jordan never heard a thing or saw a thing he never spoke a word.but he taught us a lot just by him being here.jordan taught us what it means to have faith.what it means to love with all your heart.he taught us how to not take anything for granted.he taught us how to be greatful for everything around us.he taught us how to be patient and kind.most of all he taught us how to be better parents and how wonderful and beautiful children are.a lot of people treated jordan like he was not a human being but the truth is jordan was more of a human being then alot of us are.everyone walks around judging others by what car they drive or what clothes or shoes there wearing.how much money they have or how much they don't.jordan never judged anyone he just took our love and in his own way gave it back it is amazing what he did without ever speaking a word.this is jordans letter to us.dear mommy and daddy, god saw that i was suffering and a cure was > >not to be.so he put his arms around me and whispered come with me. i > >know that i will be missed more then words can ever say.but i will > >still be with you in so very many ways.my jesus has his arms around > >me and i'm in his loving care.he's making up for all i've suffered > >and all that seemed unfair.it breaksyour heart to lose me but i do > >not go alone.for a part of you went with me on the day god called me > >home.weep for this present moment and then you must continue on.for > >if you love me jesus we'll know no parting in the great beyond.so > >precious mommy hair of gold loving daddy brave and bold i'm weary > >from the fight so for now i'll say good night > >.....................................................................love,jordan > > > > > > > > > >---------------------------------

heidi bischoff

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