oh holly......... i always thought you were laughing your head off half the time.......you so loved us, didn't you...........you so very much enjoyed time together with those you loved........what a great big furry heart you had................. oh holly...........if dogs would only start drinking or running up phone bills when they felt distress instead of biting at others....i know in time things would have balanced out, but in the meantime........oh holly. i can't stop missing you. when i open my eyes. when i close my eyes. in the bath. in the yard. in the car. according to everything i studied, it's complex grief because it was just you and i for so very long...and because of my past...and because of my issues...i am trying so hard to bond and be with carrie, i know you remember her and love her, and it's so much harder to have to speak (besides bark) and understand a human and i worry so much that i just can't be smooth and easy enough for her, where i knew you were satisfied if i remembered your burger and came home to hug you. and i am so sorry to be so relieved to have found...forgive this...a place that you were safe. doggie day care, i call it. i know where you are. i know you aren't scared or hungry or wet or cold or tired, i know you feel safe and can see me in your heart. oh holly....i worried about you from the second i met you until the second we lay down together on that floor in my jacket. where's holly. when can i get to holly? what does holly need or want? is she lonely? hungry? do i have food and time for holly? oh..........and the worst.....leaving you ....to go to work. to close the door to make a phone call. to take a private nap. to take a bath without your smiling face with a ball in your mouth. holly i love you.........and you were such a handful darling. you were the best the very very very very happiest and smartest and most athletic and adorable dog i have ever known, and i treasure every moment we had together. and nevermind all my apologies about this summer, you saw what happened, you and i both know i could not have done any more or done any better. sigh. carrie tried too, holly. she did. she did not want to be angry with you, but cripes hol, what can you expect? i would love to tell you that people keep acting kindly no matter what, but a few vicious dog bites can turn folks around a little...no one is at fault. holly ruby and carrie forgive you. and sally. and that little boy at the cider mill. and anyone else that caused you to act out. we love you. we all miss you hol............. thanks for what you had to share, for being here when you could and for loving me so very very very deeply. now help me to be as happy as you made me, as a tribute to you. i promise not to put my muddy feet in your clean sheets. hahahahahahahahaha. i love you holly. be good. mom

carrie and eva ross-marino and ruby the wonder dog residents of the loveland farms missing their sheep arse holly

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