FOR MY PARENTS… I WILL ALWAYS LOVE AND CHERISH YOU. YOU ARE WHAT I HOPE TO BE SOMEDAY… When I was a little girl... I thought that the two of you would live forever, that you would never die and I would always have somewhere safe to go when the nightmares came. Daddy, do you still remember what you did for me when I would wake-up terrified in the middle of the night and run screaming to you to make it stop? You'd pick me up and carry me back to bed and tell me that everything was going to be ok and that I needn't worry, then you'd sit in the doorway and guard me from the monsters. You said you wouldn't let anything happen to me and you'd sit there till I fell asleep... protecting me. I can't remember how many mornings I woke up to find you asleep in the doorway, still keeping me safe. You were always there... you made me feel safe and loved. You were (are) an amazing man, you cared so much about other people and it showed. You went out of your way to help those in need and never once stopped to question why. I always hoped that when I grew up I would be like you, even if only a little bit. Momma, you were (still are) the strongest, most determined woman I have ever known. You have always been a sort of “Super-Hero” in my eyes, you were bigger than life to me… almost unreal. You were like a Greek goddess or some mythical figure… so brave and bold, yet still fragile and beautiful. I tried so hard to be like you… to be strong and not be afraid to face my life after you left… but I can’t Momma… I need you here with me. I know you two did not abandon me… I know you had to go, I understand all that but I need you so much. I am so lost without you. I don’t know what to do or where to turn anymore. I’m scared and alone and now I have a daughter that will never meet you… and Momma, she looks just like you. It hurts to look at her sometimes because all I see are your gray eyes looking back at me. Why can’t you please just come back? Why can’t I still see you or talk to you or hear your voices? Don’t ya’ll still love me? Don’t you even miss me a little bit? I want you to still be here, to not be dead, to not be forever removed from my life. Why can’t I just let go? Why the hell can’t I just move on? This is so unfair. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, you were supposed to live forever and you didn’t. You died and left me here with all these questions and no answers. I still have to live in this world and that is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. To live here without you. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m so mad at you two for leaving me. I just want to be with you so bad and to know that I will never be able to do that again hurts so much. It takes my breath away sometimes, it’s so hard to breathe now, like when you died you took the air from my lungs and heart from my chest. Don’t worry though, I’ll be alright eventually, I know that… it’s just the getting there part that’s tough.

I love you always, Bianca P.S. I just thought you might want to know that we named our daughter after you momma. Her name is Marilyn Sophia. I hope you like it.

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