I saw your heartbeat twice. I heard your heartbeat twice. That third time just went crazy. Why were you so still? Why were you so quiet? "She's just sleeping!" I thought. Reality soon set in. The life inside of me was dead. My precious baby. My dream. My joy. My life. I CREATED YOU, BUT I COULD NOT KEEP YOU. I CARRIED YOU, BUT I COULD NOT PROTECT YOU. I CONNECTED WITH YOU, BUT I COULD NOT RAISE YOU. I LOVED YOU, BUT NOW MY SOUL IS TORN. I AM GLAD THAT YOU CAME INTO BEING. I AM GRATEFUL THAT I COULD CARRY YOU FOR THOSE 16 WEEKS. I AM STILL CONNECTED. I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU. I LOVE YOU. FROM MOMMY I fought for my right to see Tanette. I have a strong desire to recommend natural or induced birth to those who have miscarried. I gave birth in my bathroom floor...placenta and sac still intact. I opened the sac and I saw my 1.5 inch long daughter. I would rather have a full-grown and healthy baby girl, but if I had to say goodbye, this was the best way. How small a heart must have been beating inside of her long before that moment...even before I knew she was there. I saw eyes, nasal cavaties, and a mouth. She had my sloping shoulders and her daddy's stubby fingers. Her toes were visible and her transparant skin allowed me to see the intricate details of her intestines as they snaked down her tiny abdomen and allowed the cord to reach into the placent. I cut her umbilical cord. I held her in my hand. I love her, and I will never forget her. Born on July 10. Memorial service on July 22. Due date on December 8.

"Before I formed you in your mother's womb, I knew you." 10 weeks, 2 days

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