In Loving Memory of

Dianne S Owens

What is it like to lose a parent? Well, it really sucks! For me, there are a million things that continue to play over and over in my mind. Oh there are the noble things I think about such as wondering who will care for those left behind, or how can I help to fill the gap left in the family. But mostly there are things that are far more selfish, almost childish. My mother was my biggest fan. She was the person who, whether she agreed with a decision or not chose to support me. She was always the one person I could count on to be on my side. Whether right or wrong she would always reassure me that everything would be okay. I wonder now who I can turn to for that peace of mind. Mothers are like that. I think about people who are in jail, bad people, the scum of the earth. Locked up for committing unspeakable crimes. While there mothers surely do not condone what they have done, they still love them. So now where will I go to find such love for myself. I’m not married, so I suppose that will be a goal in life. To find someone and settle down. Start a family of my own. But that can’t be quite the same. After all, look at all the marriages that end in divorce. The love between spouses, while people are hopeful it will be everlasting, sadly often isn’t. So how can that love be the same as what I have felt from my mom? In short, it can’t be. So here I am in quite the conundrum. My life is now very empty without my mother. Oh, I am sure that she loves me even still. I think people that have passed away still remember their family and still love us. The only love that can even compare is the love of the Savior. Then there is the issue of sadness I feel because my mother was so young. Only 51 years old. She had battled depression and illness for a very long time. She wasn’t able to work the last years of her life and she was not very active in society. In fact, it feels like she no longer mattered to a lot of people. That maybe they had written her off years ago. Now, how can her legacy live on? How can my mom’s life make a difference? How can she matter? This is something I have wrestled with for days now. It wasn’t until a couple nights ago, while laying in bed that it truly hit me. The answer I was looking for. First of all, my mother’s true friends, those who really knew her, never turned their back on her. She did matter to them and her life will be remembered for her example of unselfish giving. She saw to the needs of her family, her mother, aunts and uncles. They know how much she loved them and how much she did for them. All without ever expecting anything in return. Her legacy is one of hope and giving. Of making sure others were taken care of even if it meant not having the best for herself. She always put others first. Secondly, I realized that I am a living testament of my mother. Motherhood, it has been said, is as close as we can get to creation. Meaning that in most families (including mine) while the father is out earning a living, the mother is at home with the children teaching them, molding them into the person they will become. That is completely true for me. I am who I am because of my mother. Every time someone lays eyes on me they are seeing my mother’s handy work. God gives us life, but the personalities, values and attributes we get come from our mothers. People have remarked to me how they appreciated the fact that I stood up and said a few words at my mother’s funeral. They have said how courageous it was of me to do. How strong I must have been and how they would not have been able to do the same. Well, those are things I picked up from my mother. So, in a way, by me standing up and addressing the mourners at the funeral, it was an ultimate tribute to her. I was displaying one of her greatest accomplishments in this life, the son she raised, molded and taught so well. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to sound conceded in any way. So you will have to forgive me if from now on I stand a little taller, prouder of who I am. It’s not because of anything I have done, but rather because I have realized that I am product of a beautiful, wonderful woman who cared and loved me enough to make me the man I am today.

Jim Owens