In Loving Memory of

Damon Edward Lowrey

Today is just another day- Another without you. I see your smile behind my eyes and shed a tear or two. I love you more than life itself and I miss you so. I promised you a life of love and cannot let you go. I miss you every moment, no matter what I do. How can I live another day alone here without you? But the days go on and so do I, with the promises I made. To keep our children safe and loved-happy with the memories we all made. I want you back every day, it’s so hard to carry on. I swore I'd follow wherever you lead-so happy to be two. I live for our kids, but wish so hard, I could follow you there too. I miss your smile, I miss your laugh-your joy of life so free. Now, when I turn to you-there's no one there but me. I need you still-I can't go on and yet, I somehow do. Remembering the day we met, our first kiss, and when we said, "I do." I love you still my honey bun-I think I always will. The trips we took, the plans we made were never quite fulfilled. They say, in time, the pain will fade-but I fear, so will you. I cry your name in my sleep, and even when awake. You left me far too soon. I want to be here for the kids-I do... but sometimes, secretly, I wish I'd die, so I could be with you. I so believed that we'd have time to say all the sorrys that we felt. I thought that we'd be each other's rock, instead the time just melts. I wish so hard to see your face, to hold your hand, to travel once again. I know you suffered gallantly, I pray you never hurt again. But you are there, and I am here-separate and alone. I know you hate to see me cry and wanted me to live. But, you see, your life was so much more than I could afford to give. I want you back-I don't care how. Impossible I know. I know it's selfish, I know it's wrong, but I still need you so. It seems I never realized there'd be a time for you, alone, to go. So soon, too soon, for me to say everything I wanted you to know. Forever was such a short time when we promised it to each other. But now forever seems so very long for us to miss each other. It's something I can't wrap my head around-my heart gets in the way. You won't be home today, tomorrow, or any other day. I wish, with you, I'd never wasted a single solitary day. There is no one, and nothing to replace the feeling of love, safety, peace and of HOME, that you gave to me. For me, that was your greatest gift-to give to others what you didn't have yourself-I'd give anything to have given it back to you, but I couldn’t figure out how. And now, all I have is the hope that you've found it wherever you are. I know you are in Heaven-I feel you there now. I will do my best to keep my promises. For the kids and the grandkids to come, that I wish sooooooooo much I could share with you. You’d have been the greatest granddad ever. I feel the same about just hearing your voice, or sinking into your arms and feeling safe and loved again. You taught me how to feel that way; you had no right to take it away! It's too cruel! I forgive you, naturally-but it doesn't stop me from feeling cheated by fate, or God or something. That I had you and lost you. I know I should be grateful, but I'm spoiled-by you, and I’m selfish, because you are gone and I can't go too. "All we're left is amazing and countless memories...but it's just not enough" (a quote from someone else who’s suffered loss) I love you and miss you my wonderful husband...I will survive, but I won't like it much without your company. I wish, I wish, I wish.... It’s all I have left of you-the things I wished.

from your adoring wife, Ang