I am 18 years old and I have been "suicide free" for 3 years. For a long time I was hurting and I didn't know who or where I could turn. It seemed that the people I loved most were the ones to hurt me more or all the time. I had thought about how I would kill myself, what I would use, how would it be the fastest. I never thought that anyone would miss me. I always thought that everyone would be better off if I were gone. Mom and Dad wouldn't have to support me anymore and they would be out of financial problems. I know now, that if I had succeeded, I would have hurt all the people that I love more than anything.
To me, suicide was a way to get rid of all the pain I was feeling and finally be happy. I would have also been dead and not able to enjoy being happy. I look back on all the things I thought was worth taking my life over, a boyfriend, a best-friend, school, my parents divorce, ect. But now I see that they weren't my fault and they definitely weren't worth killing myself over.
It took a lot of pain to get me to where I was "finally" going to do it. I had planned it out to where it was "perfect", at least in my eyes it was. Thank God for Jenni!!! She loved me so much she didn't want to lose a friend. I got the help I needed and I was shown that I was loved.
I guess the reason I am writing this is to try and help maybe just one person from destroying the one thing that should be the most precious to them: their life. Even though there are things that hurt you, there are things to look forward to. No matter how small they are. When you feel sad and down and at the verge of suicide, call someone. ANYONE!! Just don't lose hope. Someone loves you, even if you think the world is against you.
- - - Sarah Lee - - -
(c)Copyright Sarah Lee, 1 November 1998
If you are feeling suicidal, there are many resources for you to turn to.
In North America, in the front of every phone book is a list of emotional crisis lines. CALL ONE OF THEM!
Suicide Crisis Center - This Suicide Crisis Site is About Staying Alive Getting You Through The Moment Giving You A Glint of Hope Finding Treatment To Stop The Hurting Helping You Believe You Can Feel Good Again. ~Reach out and find the help you need. ~ Cyberspace offers help privately, anonymously --- a kind of help that was not available just a few years ago. ~ Now you can, if you want to, get the information and support you need without even having to see or speak to
The Samaritans (UK) - provide confidential emotional support to any person, who is suicidal or despairing. This service is provided 24 hours every day by trained volunteers
The Samaritans (Hong Kong) - provides confidential emotional support to any person, irrespective of race, creed, age or status, who is despairing or suicidal. The Samaritans operate a 24 hour hotline service in English, "although amongst our volunteers we have speakers of many other languages including Cantonese."
If you are despairing, in crisis, or contemplating taking your life, and need to talk to someone, contact The Samaritans now via e-mail or via anonymous e-mail.
Befrienders International - Offering 24 hour, befriending services to those in emotional distress.
They Offer telephone, snail mail, and face-to-face befriending. They seem to have someone in every country Argentina -Zimbabwe to help you, and in the USA many toll free numbers.
Kids Help Phone and Bell Online - English and French 1-800-668-6868
AAS Crisis Line Listing for USA and Canada
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