GriefNet Guestbook
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Denise Krepina
([email protected])
Wednesday, 16 August 2000 at 3:04pm

My Mom passed away on November 28, 1999 from Mesothelioma which is lung cancer caused by asbestos. My Dad worked for the railroad when they used asbestos on the brakes and he brought it home on his clothes. She came in contact with it when she did the wash. It lies dormant for 20 - 25 years. Anyway, she was 64 when she died and my best friend. I'm 34. She suffered for two very long years. She was so brave and tried everything to hang on longer. She did the surgery and the chemo and radiation and everything that went along with it. I played a big role in taking care of her along with my sisters. How do you get the images out of your mind of her being sick and suffering and being so medicated she makes no sense and not being able to keep food down and eventually not even water... I think of her constantly and feel like I'm just going through the motions of life. I have two small children and a wonderful husband, but I feel very empty. I suppose I will accept it eventually. God bless all of you in your grief.

Ginnie
([email protected])
Tuesday, 15 August 2000 at 10:27am

I am so glad to have found this site. My family has just suffered a terrible, sudden loss, and we are still staggering. on July 16, my two younger sisters (14 year old twins) were crossing the street to a convenience store when one of them, Jessica, was struck by a car and killed, with her sister Jennifer standing two steps away, watching the whole thing. I am 14 years older than they, and helped raise them, so my own grief is enormous, but I find I have little time or ability to grieve fully because I am so worried about Jennifer and making sure she is ok. I also live in a different state, with a daughter of my own, and am not as geographically close as I feel I need to be. I am trying to get a job in the same city, so I can be close by when she needs me and also be closer to the comfort my family provides, but in the meantime this is very hard to deal with. I have e-mailed Jennifer the info on this site and I hope she joins. I know you have a kids group, but do you know of any other members who have lost a twin? I would appreciate any help you can offer finding resources for a 14-year old girl in her position, as well as someone in mine.

D Reubens
([email protected])
Tuesday, 15 August 2000 at 7:56am

It's kind of wierd reading all these sad stories, i dont think they would have impacted on me as much if i read them before my father died. I find myself reading and sympathising, i find them easy to relate to. My eyes even well up on some of them.
Its a comforting thought that i am not the only person who feels the terrible emptyness and guilt.

I am an 18 years old male, just gone 17 when my father died suddenly and unexpectantly. I lived with my dad and older brother before it happened, my dad was ill for about 3 weeks, we had no idea it was so seriuos. I thought he would get better, i was wrong.

The night it all unfolded was a horrific night that will forever be etched in my mind. It all happened so quikly and i felt so helpless.

I arrived home on friday evening to cook dinner and get ready for the party later. It was just me and my dad, he sat on the couch, and kept on staring at me. I wondered why, i didnt really care i was all excited about the party.
My dad went up the stairs and collapsed. I rushed to him to find him unconsiuos and not breating. I frooze i was in shock, i tried CPR but those lessons seemed hazy under the shock i couldnt remember. I called the ambulance, they arrived and took him away. My brother arrivived home from work to be confronted by the ambulance pulling away, we both rushed to the hopsital and a nurse pointed towards a door saying the doctor will be there soon, that moment i knew he was dead. My brother begged the nurse "Plz just tell me..........is he still alive?"
That moment lasted what seemed like an hour, she jus shook her head and my world crahed.
I was in deep shock for at least a week or two, then i went through denial, anger at myself, at him, at everything, guilt of not reacting faster, jealousy of my friends "Perfect Families", but mostly just crippling saddness and self pity.
It all happened 20 months ago now, damn....i can recall it like its yesterday, how can it be that long ago?
It still hurts just as much if not more, except i get hit by it less often. I find myself talking to him sometimes "Where r u?" " r u happy , r u in pain?" "Why did u have to go?" - it boggles my mind.

I find this site very helpful, i hope u all learn to cope with your losses and look to the future.

Cynthia Jones
([email protected])
Monday, 14 August 2000 at 1:28am

I live in Townville Australia.....My son Brady died from Cystic Fibrosis at the age of 20 in
April this year....four months ago.....I would like to hear from anyone else who lived
with CF and the fear and then lost their child to it. Emailing has helped me so much
when I need to pour out how I feel then and there, I just go to the computer.

Shellie Masini
([email protected])
Sunday, 13 August 2000 at 11:20am

Well, it's another Sunday morning!! Ughhh....Sunday's have been the hardest day of the week for me since losing my Mom, 4.30.00! I wake up with what feels like a Semi-truck on my chest and not enough air in my lungs. It has been just over 100 days since my Mom passed away and it's like I've maybe went 2 months without talking to her but never this long, and now the missing her is really setting in! I've been feeling very lonely lately, just feeling very alone.
I try so hard to remember her face, detail by detail and for the life of me, I can't get the visual to appear. I remember when we used to stay up 1/2 the night "girl-talking" I would look at her very closely, telling myself, I want to retain all of this so I can pull it up when she's gone....and right now, I can't! I have pictures of her and my Dad all over the house, but to just mentally pull her image up, I cant...strange!!? The sound of her voice is all I can remember....her and I were both blessed with that deep, raspy voice and every time I speak with my sister, she always comments about me sounding just like Mom!
I'm 34 yrs. old and feel like a small child most of the time. I think, "I'm too young to have lost my Mom"....she was only 60!! I still need her...and she is no where to be found.
Thanks for listening.
Shellie Masini
Daughter of Jean Clark
4.30.2000

kat
([email protected])
Thursday, 10 August 2000 at 10:58am

I lost my best friend Ryan in a car accident 2 weeks ago. He was only 20 years old. Ryan was one of the kindest, most gentle people i ever knew. He used to make me laugh how he was always thinking so hard about everything...he was just making sure that he wasnt going to hurt anyone. My heart is breaking for every minute i am here without him, but i know that hes looking after me now. I can almost feel his arms around me but its not enough. The hardest part is that i never got to say goodbye. I left him home the night before, and watched him walk up the path to his door, he lifted his hand and waved but he never turned around. It wasnt the way he usually said goodbye. 7 hours later, Ryan was dead, and i never got the oppertunity to give him the last good night hug. Right now, i would give anything i had or will ever have to just have one last hug. one last touch even. How can i ever get over this? We would talk for hours about what it would be like when "we" were old.... laughed about how we would have adjoining rooms in our retirement home. We never stopped to think that ones of us wouldnt make it. Now ill be doing all the things without him...my graduation, my wedding, my kids, all withough Ryan. I know that hes there, holding my hand, and walking right beside me the whole way & he'll always be my best friend. There will always be that part of my heart, that NO ONE will be able to touch.

nite nite wee chicken. i love you

Kx

David
([email protected])
Sunday, 6 August 2000 at 5:41pm

The passing away of my mom....

Hopefully my message can help those of you who after a loss still have someone in your lives....I lost my dad when he was 36 with heart....I am 44 & SINGLE ., I have never been married...My mom just died on 7/9...Even though she was sick, I could kiss her...I have no family...NOW I have NO ONE....At times just the feeling of wanting to KISS someone hurts and hurts hard...So for those of you who have lost a parent & have a spouse ect...be thankful...SOME OF US HAVE NOTHING.....

Anyone wanting to write me direct via e mail please do so...Just hoping to survive...Thanks for support & listening!

Dave

Shellie Masini~Daughter of Jean Clark 4.30.2000
([email protected])
Sunday, 6 August 2000 at 2:42am

Hello...
I want to say first and foremost Thank You Griefnet!! This message board along with the support group for those of us that has lost a parent has been a blessing!! I have heard from so many wonderful, kind, loving people going through exactly what I am right now, the loss of my Mom! I lost my Mom 95 days ago and life as I knew it stopped. I miss her so much my heart physically aches, I wonder if she's ok, where she's at....as crazy as that sounds! Will I one day see her again? I'm the youngest (34) child of 4 sib's and I don't seem to be connected to any of them right now. Like we're all going through this our own way...seperately, and I miss them also!
I would love to hear from any other "children" going through what I am....my Mom passed from Lung Cancer...she was feeling good!!! Woke up Sunday morning, April 30th and was getting up to get her shower and face the day and.....within a matter of seconds...she was gone! They said she hemorraged(sp?). How strange, one minute we're here and the next...gone. My Mom is gone, I miss her so much.
I love you and miss you Mom....Just to put my arms around you one more time and breathe in your smell, the smell of MY Mom, boy, what I wouldnt give for that.
Thank you for listening.
Be Well & God Bless~
Shellie Masini
Daughter of Jean Clark
4.30.2000

Lillian Pronger
([email protected])
Wednesday, 2 August 2000 at 11:46pm

To Wayne E. Pronger:
I miss you so much.

Eight months ago tonight
At 2 minutes past midnight
You left to join God's Grand Ole Opry
Where you will be the star
To lead the way to that special place
Full of goodness and of grace
You are always on my mind
So sweet, so loved and so kind
Rest in peace until we meet again
My loss is heaven's gain.

Lillian

alison
([email protected])
Wednesday, 2 August 2000 at 8:55pm

I lost the most important man in my life two years ago my papa,he died of heart compications at the age of 72 .As I was growing up my father never was around and he was always there I miss him so much.Not a day goes by that I dont cry. People say you move on things get easier well when? I get this physical feeling in my heart when i think hes not here..

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