SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS THOUGHTS ON COPING . . .There is no right or wrong way to handle the day. Some may wish to follow family traditions, while others may choose to change. Focus your celebrations on winter: go to a mountain lodge; go sledding or skiing, or just take a walk in the woods--time out to enjoy what nature has to offer in this season. Include the deceased in your conversations and celebrations. Hang a stocking for your loved one in which people can put notes with their thoughts or feelings. Look at photographs. Once oth- ers realize that you are comfortable talking about your loved one, they can relate stories that will add to your pleasant memories. Keep in mind the feelings of your children or family members. Try to make the holiday season as joyous as possible for them. Plan to be with the people YOU enjoy. Do something for others: volunteer at a soup kitchen; visit the lonely and shut-ins; ask someone who is alone to share the day with your family; provide help for a needy family; volunteer at the airport to pour coffee for stranded travelers; or offer to volunteer in a hospital on the holiday;if your city has a Ronald McDonald House, see if you can help make their holiday happier. Don't be afraid to express your feelings. Allow people to comfort you. They need to feel they are helping in some way. Remember, anticipation of any holiday is so much worse than the actual holiday. Donate a gift or money in your loved one's name. Try to get enough rest. from *Bereavement & Loss Resources* November / December 1993

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