To my darling,sweet Louise, my best friend, soulmate, lover, wife,and the best mum in the world to Ashley, Emma and Dominic.
Oh how I wish I could hold you again, bub, and look into your eyes like we always used to do. You used to make me laugh so much; I've forgotten what laughter is like now. I miss you so much around the house, at mealtimes, bathtime with the kids, church, school, all the normal little things that made routine fun when you were around.
You died on 31st August 1999 from cancer. I remember that day so well. It was a busy one, bub, with you lying down quite poorly on the stretcher bed in the lounge. The kids were all out with friends in the village, unaware their mummy was leaving them for a while. You had the oromorph to keep the pain away, and I had no idea that you were going to die that morning. But the doctor rushed me to the bed (I think I was choosing a tape for you to listen to), and then you quietly left me to take your final journey home to Jesus.
The children are well, Bub. Ashley is now 6 and doing ok at school, although I think that he misses you the most out of the kids and can't show it very much. Emma is still clingy to me, but I like that; I'm clingy to her too. She had her 4th birthday on the 8th January - she always talks about you and we look at photos of you, and she dresses up in some of your clothes (remember that lovely colourful Ken Done scarf of yours ?) I've given her all your jewellry, but put it in a special box for her to treasure when she is older. Dominic, our little man, is now 10 months old and into everything. How I wish you could see him Bub ; you would be so proud of him crawling around, pulling himself up, wrecking the house ! My special time with him is in the weekday mornings, when Ash and Em are at school and nursery, and he too is very clingy to his daddy - always trying to crawl up my leg !
So what is it like in heaven ? I know you are there because of your unshakeable belief in Jesus. I expect you have met up with your Grandfather Peak, with Grandad Ted, with Aunty Fay and with Joyce Forrester.Can you see us down here ? Can you see the children and see how they have grown in the 5 months since you left us ? How I long to be there with you but at the same time I know God has given me the task of raising the three children on my own, and doing it as well as you would have done.
My darling Lou, we love you so so much. Our pain doesn't seem to go away at all, but I know that God won't give me anything I can't handle. How I wish we could turn the clock back 12 months and start 1999 again. I'm sorry, Bub, for all the hurtful things I said to you over the years, and in particular for not loving and cherishing you enough. Forgive me for coming home from work late and for stressing out about work - boy you sometimes copped it from me eh?
Rest in peace, my sweet Louise. I love you from the bottom of my heart, my darling, and can hardly see this writing for all the tears. Oh my darling, my heart aches for you, you meant the world to me, you were my all, my everything. My love, my true love. My bub.
Andrew (and Ashley, Emma and Dominic)
Memorials, First Quarter 2000 | Main Index, Memorials
GriefNet (no frames) | GriefNet (frames)
GriefNet is a non-profit 501(c)(3) internet-based organization that serves the community of people working through grief and loss.